just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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