i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
