Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
