"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
