i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
