My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
