im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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