1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
