Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
