Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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