What a fucking waste of an outfit
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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