no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
