I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
