Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
