You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
