I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
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