I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
