dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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