This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
