We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
