can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
