New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
