hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We are all done wearing pants today
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
