guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
