I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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