Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
