i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
