just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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