oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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