Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
