I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
