he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
