so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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