i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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