Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
