I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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