im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
