Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
