If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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