Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
