I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
