I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
