I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
