i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
