I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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