we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize