He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
