Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think i got beer on your cat.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize