I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
