HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
