I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
