Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
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She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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