omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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