I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
