I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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