I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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