5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
