The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
