the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
