I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize