I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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