he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
