guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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