I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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