What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
