Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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