her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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