I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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