Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
