You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize