If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
