I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Less talking, more tequila
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
