how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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