my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've blown a few things in my day
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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