"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
