Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
