i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
