She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
